One thing you will notice when you are recovering from abuse is that you are a people pleaser. It is not your fault, it was a response to abuse. You try to please more in order to stop the abuse. You may live with a dominator who makes you feel afraid. You may have parents who require you to look after their needs at all times while making you feel you have none. You may have friends who demand you help them even when you don't have time. Your boss expects you to work for nothing and do other people's work as well as your own. You say things you don't mean in order to be liked. You agree with things you feel are wrong. The list is endless. Do you see yourself yet?
More and more you try to please others and in the end you become unhappy, tired and empty. You agree to their life values even if you don't agree. Whatever others expect of you you do. Until the point where you do not know who you are anymore. You become just a useful object for others. You become terrified to express an opinion if it goes against whatever others think. You dissapear. You are nothing. You get more and more exhausted doing the will of others, being a servant. Recognise anything yet?
The healing part is recognising that you are doing it. Stopping it takes courage and commitment to yourself. So how do you stop. Here are a few ideas to get you started. Add some of your own.
Stop smiling so much
Hold back and let others come to you instead of chasing
Recognise your personal space when talking to others, are you too close
Learn to say no
Feal the fear of not being liked
Find out what you like and don't like
Don't just agree with an idea to be liked
Don't follow the crowd if it's not your crowd
Don't fit in where you are not welcome
Establish boundaries and stick to them
Learn to say I am busy without explanation
Stopping people pleasing will change your life. The greatest gain is that it weeds out narcissists because they love people pleasers and hate those who give them no attention. It stops you being a magnet for them. Don't worry if at first you feel like a horrible person, you aren't, it's just an illusion. People pleasing is not kindness don't confuse the two.
Even if you people please it will bring you nothing but emptiness so it is a pointless taks. In fact the more you try to please the more people will dislike you because there is often an insincerity in it and they know it. You will be used and abused if you people please. Make it a strength to stop doing it. Commit to yourself. Start today.
Comments
Post a Comment