The importance of finding the right therapist after narcissistic abuse

You discover that you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse and realise you need help, professional help. So you look around locally for the right therapist. You see the therapist is advertising trauma amongst their experience so you go along. After all you are a trauma survivor aren't you. But when you get there the therapist after listening to you about your ex starts to give you feedback about how your ex must have been feeling. Or maybe you are there due to narcissistic abuse from your mother or father and you pour out your heart. But then they feedback to you how it must have been for your mother. Maybe telling you how your mother must have been experiencing the whole thing too. You feel uncomfortable and are not sure why. Are they blaming you? Aren't they supposed to be focusing on you. Maybe you are being selfish.

You go to therapy to sort yourself out because you want to be aware of your self. You know that narcissistic people are not self aware, not in this way, but yet it feels as if the counsellor is doing couples therapy or family counselling. You aren't sure what is happening but it doesn't feel right. You ruminate about the things they said after every session and it doesn't sit well with you. You may even challenge the therapist the next time yet still they keep on saying what you think of as the wrong things. So as someone who is alway used to taking the blame due to abusive narcissists in your life you of course question is it me? Are you projecting this on the therapist or are they not actually trained in narcissistic abuse.

Even after only a few sessions you can become attached to a therapist. You so need help but it feels as if this is not helping. This can go on with several therapists and it is very damaging. Not only has your trust been broken by narcissistic people but now it seems that it is happening in therapy too. Maybe the therapist is  a narcissist Your guts are telling you it isn't right and you know therapy isn't meant to be all cuddly, you know it will be painful. But it should also be very validating and healing and it just isn't happening. So you leave. Unsupported once again. Each time getting more and more disheartened. Still you blame yourself, maybe you are just trying to escape the truth.

Finding the right therapist is crucial in your recovery especially in those early days when you are at your most vulnerable. So where do you look for a therapist? Even so called narcissistic abuse therapists can be damaging if they haven't done the work on themselves. Narcissistic abuse is becoming big business so it stands to reason that those who just want to make money out of survivors will be rubbing their hands.

 One therapist may suit your friend but not you. It's a very personal thing. It has to click. You know when it does because you can fly. As well as feeling bad about the things you are talking about in therapy you also get to feel empowered, validated. Some days you can leave therapy feeling like skipping down the road because it has worked. Some day you cry. Yet deep inside you know when it is right. It is just starting to trust that. To trust yourself and not doubt your feeling. After all you have been taught by narcissist that your feelings don't matter. Now you are starting to feel again. Being in therapy is about learning personal boundaries and speaking up at last. With the right therapist you can do this. They will help you to become your individual authentic self. Anyone who tries to mould you into a box or lead you into a particular model is not going to allow you to grow. They have to be flexible and be client based not therapist based. Both client and therapist will bring their own baggage to a session but the difference should be that the therapist is trained to see this very quickly.

Spend as much time on finding the right therapist for you as you would on educating yourself about narcissists. It is an important relationship that can change your life.