In a narcissist family the parents get to choose what you will be praised for, if at all. Anything that appears to make them look good will be used as a big up for the child-when in the prescence of others. However indoors it is a different matter. With one child being praised all the time and another used as the scapegoat the children soon learn to very confused about themselves. As an only child you will get to experience the full spectrum of madness. Switching from scapegoat to golden child to trophy child and then forgotten invisible child. The damage this does is unbelievable. It should be a crime.
Beaten verbally, or and, physically for many things they did not even do the children of narcissists learn to stay away from praise because they don't trust it. Instead they learn to praise the narcissist parents at all times. They please and appease the narcissist parents to the point of nauseum. The scapegoat child learns stay in the background and dissappear while the trophy child learns to show off and gain attention until the narcissist parents thinks they are being outshined then it all stops. Meanwhile the golden child basks in the idea of being the favourite not realising that they are hated too and could become a scapegoat at any time.
Due to put downs and abuse and intermittent faux praise the children of narcissts become confused adults. The scapegoat child is especially troubled and whenever they are praised for their talents they will shy away from accepting it. After all it couldn't possibly belong to them because the narcissist parent told them they were stupid and useless and 'no one likes them' (stock phrase of NM).
Even as an adult the scapegoat child will internalise the voice of the NP and minimise any talents they really have. They will sabotage anything good and instead of being out front they will always stay in the background, even when others who may not have their talents steal their limelight. Or they become high achievers, never able to stop working, in the hope that they will eventually be praised for something they do, but it never comes.
This early abuse causes social anxiety and a fear of and avoidance of positive evaluation from others. To such a point that they will avoid all and any situation in which they become the centre of attention or in which a positive evaluation of them will be given. If they are forced into such a situation they will spend hours looking for negativity from others and in a way are always looking for that NP and their put downs. Waiting for the trap door to fall beneath their moment of glory.
As an adult child of NP you have to learn all over again that it is ok to accept praise, that you are not a narcissistic, ego driven, person by accepting praise and that you deserve it. You have to learn to own things because the NP takes everything away from you and makes it theirs. If others take offence at you being praised or are envious it is ok, let them. They are not your NP though they may remind you of them by triggering that thought.
Take the praise. You deserve it. It is not narcissistic. Own it. Use it to remind yourself that you succeeded despite your abuse. If no one praises you then praise yourself and believe it.
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