Staying no contact is either live or die, it's that crucial

Every fibre of your body will crave to go back. To go back to that person who has no empathy. To that excuse of a person who abused you, did not care about you, did not love you and won't care if you live or die. Yes! That is the person you are craving.

So read that back again.

Every fibre of your body will crave to go back. To go back to that person who has no empathy. To that excuse of a person who abused you, did not care about you, did not love you and won't care if you live or die. 

If another person were to relate to you that they were thinking of going back to, or wondering whether to contact their abuser again, after having taken the huge step of leaving them, you know what you would say to them. Now you have to treat yourself as if you were that other person. The one who needs advice. You have to take it one step further than just making the phone call and to look at what happens after that. Will they change. A big NO! So how do you stay away from them? It takes super human effort. You are probably wondering how the poor little narcissist is surviving without you. You imagine them crying into their tea. Sitting alone and unloved.

So as an example this is what the narcissist is actually thinking about you while you are no contact

They are calling the hot date they had already lined up while with you
They aren't missing you just your usefullness
They are thinking about how to get revenge
Musing on how much they hate you
Laughing at you
Laughing about you to others
Thinking you will not have the strength to stay away
They are not, repeat, not missing you
They are missing their plaything, scapegoat, foil.

No one can tell you not to go back to them because you won't listen or hear that until you are ready to do so. You know you shouldn't already. But it happens that you are addicted to them and for that you should have great compassion for yourself. Craving your next fix is all you are doing by wanting to go back. It will be worse next time because you will pay dearly for leaving them.

So what to do?


You must distract yourself in whatever way possible. Elevating yourself above the level of wanting to go back because wanting them back is something that takes you down.

Get mad (don't hurt you or anyone else) bash a pillow.
Get up and dance.
Go for a walk.
Call a friend who supports you.
Call a helpline.
Have phrases on the wall everwhere telling you not go back and telling you how strong you are. How much much better you are than wanting so little for yourself.
Read up about addictions
Educate yourself about Trauma Bonding

Most of all have a deep compassion and love for yourself. The narcissist is no longer your responsibility. You are! Whenever you think nice things about them immediately remember to focus on all the bad things. Have reminders everywhere. Write it on your hand.

The longer you stay away the more you will see why you left. It was much worse than you could ever remember. You focused on any small good times you may have had just so that you could survive the abuse. Those good times were just a trick to hook you in, for their benefit. None of it was for you.

Don't go back 
This is written by someone who did, again and again. I even stayed friends for many years. I know how it feels to want to go back, it is a terrible ache. That huge dark empty hole that is left after you leave, within your heart, has to now be filled by yourself. No one else can do it. The narcissist is not your friend or your lover they are your enemy. They want to destroy you. Don't let them! Live to tell the tale to others. Let them know how you survived this most detructive of abuses at the hand of a person who hated you but pretended to love you.

You loved someone who hated you but pretended to love you and you want to go back to that?
You are worth so much more. Until you stay away you will never know the huge potential that is within you.

I stayed away after going back many times. The last time I knew I had finished for good. I saw him and knew why I had left. I began a new life away from him and was surprised at who I was. I was living his life not mine. So stay away and get to know yourself. You never know what you are capable of. You will never see this while you are with a narcissist. Choose you!