The word love bombing conjures up romance. Many survivors may think that when they see this word that perhaps they were not with a narcissist because they were never show romance, at least not how others describe it. Grooming is not always about love. Sometimes it is just about attention. Sometimes it is about ignoring you, and because that is the kind of love you had from your parents you think that is what love is.
You hear stories about how the narcissist sent flowers, texts, romantic dinners, words of love and you may wonder and doubt because that didn't happen to you. You know you were groomed, seduced, tricked but often can't see how it happened until much later. Yet when you hear how many survivors are love bombed you can doubt. Maybe they were not a narcissist. That is until you start to explore how exactly you were 'love bombed'. Sometimes all they have to do is give you the attention you have lacked. Someone showing you an interest where others didn't. Or staying with it, persuing you when others walked away.
The narcissist bombs you but it isn't always love!
They gain your trust and then set about dismantling any boundaries so that they can control you. They isolate you from anyone who could have an influence on you. They erode your sense of self then set about destroying you. It is not love but you think it is. How can this be love when it is abuse? But by then you are trapped. You long for their attention which they stop giving you so that you have to beg for crumbs.
What happens with a narcissist is that they offer you something you need at that time. They make it seems so alluring. If you were lacking love they give a show of that, for a while! But maybe you were one of those, like myself, who was unknowingly in need of stability. If stability is something you have never had in your childhood or even just as a teen the narcissist sees that and they offer it to you. It comes at a price!
If you were not romanced and love bombed you have to examine what exactly they were offering you. There is often a disparity in power with narcissists where they have access to something you could never have. So this gives them the edge of power over which they know they can use to trap you.
You may not even have been interested in them. Not all narcissist are good looking and charming. Some are quite unattractive yet they have the ability to groom you. Because that is what a narcissist does, they groom you. It is like a slow enfocement that you don't see. A hypnosis. By the time you start to see the reality of it you may have invested much time with them.
So the next time you see the word love bombing and feel it does not apply to you, look again. What else were they grooming you with? What did they want from you and how did you pay for their gifts and bribes? In order to heal from narcissistic abuse keep asking questions about your time with them. It was never how you imagined it to be. The truth will set you free. But first it hurts!
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