Narcissist families and the family scapegoat

The family scapegoat

In a dysfunctional family where one or both of the parents is a narcissist they use their very own children and also those outside the family, to create discord and division. The children’s role has to be focused totally on the needs of the parent and closeness is discouraged. As part of the narcissist family you lose out on a closeness with siblings that could in other cases have been used to support you. 

     Many scapegoats are also bullied by their siblings to gain attention and rewards from the narcissist parents. the parents will create tensions within the family by having siblings fighting for their non existent affection. Each sibling is given a role, which sometimes changes, but all roles are meant to divide and rule. The siblings and also any other members of the extended family can only appear to be close but in fact they are not.You will often hear families refer to themselves as a 'close family' but I have found that usually means closed.

 Individuality is discouraged and adherence to the code by which the family lives must always be upheld. There are strict rules for the children and none for the parents, unless one is not a full blown narcissist and is also being bullied The scapegoat being an individual can not stand this and rails against it, often leaving or being rejected into feeling they must leave.

    

The role of the scapegoat is formed so that someone takes the blame for any abuse and secrets that exist within the family. Every time something is wrong it is blamed on the scapegoat. By nature the scapegoat is not weak and those who think they are, are often surprised by the scapegoats strength. In fact they are usually sensitive, intuitive and caring individuals, traits looked down on by the narcissist family as weakness. They are often rebellious towards the family dynamic and their fighting against it is often why they are attacked and ultimately why they end up leaving.

     Of all the roles within the family the scapegoat is the one who will most likely leave the family of origin. The dynamics of a dysfunctional family life are too much for the sensitive scapegoat. Never underestimate a scapegoat, they are strong underneath. They have to be to take such abuse. Leaving the family unit is often a terrible decision that they have to make but it is also a sign of their strength.