What exactly does compassion mean, as survivors of narcissistic abuse we need to re-evaluate what it is to us?

As survivors of narcissistic abuse we have to ask ourselves, what exactly is compassion?

Because we have more than likely been chosen by narcissists due to our compassionate nature. You see compassion is a tricky subject to define. We think we know what it means, but are we right in our thinking? Has someone defined compassion for us in order for us to be used and abused. Because as helpful and beautiful as compassion is and can be, it can also be used to make fools of us. I think you know what I mean?

From a personal point of view I misunderstood compassion altogether. Firstly I learned as a Christian the view of it and then a Buddhist view of it and I used what I thought I had learned to make my life miserable and in turn make else's life work.

I heard compassion as mainly putting others first and bearing hardships for the sake of others, to take away their suffering. I never heard that compassion was also for myself, even if they said it. I used my compassion for others as a way of self denial and lack of self care. I even used it to bolster my own ego, look how good she is looking after other people. How embarassing.

When you have lived with a narcissist or been raised by them you only see that compassion to yourself is selfish. Any needs you have must be hidden unto the point you forget you have any. You become a nurse to the world. I was raised to have no needs.

Narcissists use others compassion for their own needs. They know how to invoke it when they need something. But compassion is not always soft, sometimes it is sharp. Sometimes it means saying no. In active compassion one could help another to the point that they become helpless or feel so entitled to the help that it turns them into monsters.

Your heart opens when you feel compassion, by seeing the suffering of others and the desire to help. It is also accompanied by a deep sadness when you feel that you can not always help, a feeling of helplessness that you can't.

What is compassion? We must explore it. Because compassion can make fools of us all if we don't know what it is and when to use it. Or more importantly how others use it to exploit us.