THE NARCISSIST BOSS
Do you have a narcissist boss? Get ready to lose your self confidence and you trust in the talents and skills you have and mostly get ready to lose a job you may love.
Maybe in realising that you have had a narcissist partner, in your research, you also see that many others around you as well as your partner were also narcissistic bullies and sociopathic narcissists. It had to happen that you would also unearth the narcissist boss within all of it didn't it?.
The insights and realisations just keep coming. But it is not all bad because these insights, although painful to deal with, are, in fact, a road to healing. Facing it now instead of burying it is healthy.
IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT! You just happened to be abused by narcissist bullies.
You don't see the narcissist boss for who they are at first. They may be charismatic, clever. You may admire them. When you are first in the throws of the honeymoon period when you can do no wrong in your job you may even be a little in love with them, hero worshipping them. Eventually you will grow to be disgusted by them. So how does it happen?
The 3 phases of narcissistic abuse:
Idealise
Devalue
Discard
The narcissist boss thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to their company. (Idealise) They will shower you with compliments, gifts, promotions and more. You will bask in the sunlight of their generosity and be amazed that someone has noticed the talents you have.
While you are working with a narcissist boss your head will grow to extreme proportions as you finally see you are super human just like they are telling you. Who wouldn't like that. After all we are just humans, looking for an ounce of kindness, looking to be recognised.
Well make the most of it while it lasts because when they have grown tired of you you will rapidly become the worst thing that ever happened to their rotten little company (Devalue). At this stage they probably have waiting in the wings their new supply. The new supply will want you out because at that stage you are still being praised and the new supply wants the boss all to themselves, you are their rival. The narcissist boss will triangulate you with that new supply. At first the new supply may tolerate you or appear to be your friend, but they just want rid of you. You may even grow to hate each other. It is only after you leave that you see what was at play during those times.
The narcissist boss is a nasty bit of work. They are no different to a narc partner. Everything that happens during your time with a narcissist follows a pattern. The boss is no different. So you realise that you are now entering ( Discard ) Well no at the time you don't! You think it's your fault. But this bit hurts so much, all of it hurts, but feeling the pain of how much you gave them and seeing it meant nothing to them makes a dint in your self-esteem.
During this time the love affair has ended and the new supply has been found. You are now a piece of worthless trash needing to be thrown away. If you don't leave they will make sure your life is a living hell. Both the narc boss and the new supply and all their cronies will gang up on you. The narcissist is really just an insecure bully but in the workplace where you may rely on the money, prestige and a good reference you may end up leaving and saying nothing.
If you have been the recipient of narcissistic workplace bullying by a narcissistic boss and their enablers you are not alone. Give yourself time to get back your incredible talents. Narcissists just steal what you have. Reinvent yourself and begin again. Grieve your losses but don't stay there. Don't let them win by believing their put downs of you and the shunning. You are worth more. They lied and manipulated. It wasn't your fault!
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