Until you leave a narcissist you are often in the dark as to what exactly they were doing to you, how they were abusing you in overt and covert ways. Leaving them and placing some distance and time between you allows for the real truth to unfold, and it isn't very pleasant.
How many fans the narcissist collected.
You may have been introduced to some of them already, just to hurt you. Or you may even find out that part of their harem were people you knew. Sometimes those close to you. You can't blame yourself for feeling rage and jealousy. It would be normal to have some kind of reaction to intentional, sadistic, hurt, disrespect, dishonesty and obvious hatred of you. Who would not have some feelings about that!
It causes such shame, feelings of jealousy, such a terrible thing to acknowledge. Shameful that you feel it and shamed by how you react to it, from others and also yourself. This is how the narcissist gets to you big time. This is how they get you to look like the crazy one. Reactive abuse it is called. Meaning that you are reacting to your abuse. It is not your fault. You do not know until it is too late what their game is. Over and over again you were subjected to triangulation and may not even have known it.
When the narcissist triangulates they bring a third person into the relationship to taunt you with. They love the feeling that seeing your anger and jealousy gives them. They feel omnipotent and powerful and in control. While you will either become out of control or you will push down your emotions so much that you finally snap one day or just become quiet and ill.
The narcissist will use anyone to do this, even their own mother, pets and their children. You are being played but do not see it at the time it is happening. You blame yourself, they blame you. You are too sensitive, too jealous and conrolling they will say. They will say this so much that other people start to see you as unhinged. A perfect smoke screen for the narcissist to abuse behind.
When they start to parade their so called friends of the opposite sex in front of you, you will wonder why you are being shunned and ignored for them. Both men and women do this and it is not just relegated to partners, your own family and friends will also triangulate. What you don't realise at the time is that the narcissist often has a harem, they collect specimens. There are always more than one just incase the new model wears out and becomes boring.
It really is the most cruel of abuses. But it is so normalised by society that the victim of this abuse is often blamed for it due to their reactions. The thing to realise is that if you were to do this exact same thing to the narcissist they would be filled with rage, your life may be in danger. You would certainly be paid back for doing this. So often you try anything to not make them jealous. because there is nothing more enormous than a narcissist's jealousy. They are consumed by it. So they get their partners to act this out for them. So they can see all their bad parts projected outwards. So they can say 'Look it isn't me it's them'. So they can appear like the victim.
Triangulation and using a third party to abuse you by proxy, by just being there and taunting you for fun shows how much the narcissist hated you, it is hard to accept just how much. The signs were there but we ignored them. We excuse so much of their abuse. Others enable it. Over the months and years after you leave, more and more insights will come and you will see with startling clarity the truth of many things you had overlooked. Traingulation hurts so much at the time that we bury it until we are strong enough to face it all. When we do we know we will never, ever, return. We are done.
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