You don't see until after you have left a narcissist how little you meant to them. The reality is that we were only there to help them accumulate. Whether that was money, career, prestige or image, you were only there to help them up. You may have felt that you achieved something by proxy because of this. Perhaps you were taken on holidays dined in fine restauarants, gained access to a world you may not have done otherwise. But in the end you would have, and will, pay for it dearly.
Nothing you experienced while with a narcissist was for your benefit. Though at the time you may have been fooled into thinking this. They like to make you grateful. The gratitude is just control. So that when you leave, or when you try to leave, they will wave that in front of you. Look what they did for you.
My ex had nothing when I met him but by the time I left he had millions. All I got when I left was £10,000. I lost everything by being with him and leaving. I was lucky I had a career which helped me to live without him, to leave him. But all those years I spent helping him to amass wealth I could have been helping myself for all it was worth when I left. The loss was enormous.
The narcissist sets you on a different path to the one you may have taken without them. They use you for their own benefit and it is a hard truth to admit to. You can usually tell by seeing how well they are doing after you leave, while you struggle on.
I managed to survive without my ex and his toys! But it was not easy. Everything I have now I earned it myself. Everything he earned was done by tricking others.
The world they live in may not have been a world you chose but you soon get used to it because you have been coerced ino it. When you leave you can often see that it wasn't really you, that life. It was their life you lived not your own. There was no us.
Those good memories are just a nostalgia trap. If you really look truthfully at that time you will see that you had to walk on eggshells just to survive. They were not as good as you thought. But in order to survive you had to make them good because the option was that your life was a lie and pretty miserable.
I once stood on a balcony overlooking a bay in Hawaii and I remember thinking how wonderful it would be if I was here with someone who appeared like they actually wanted to be with me. Someone who treated me like a human being. During the holiday he didn't speak to me, ignored me, was angry and in the end I felt guilty that here I was in the most beautiful place on earth, yet I was deeply unhappy. I felt very ungrateful. I did not realise at the time that how he was behaving was abusive. But I do now.
The only reason the narcissist is with you is to help them get what they want in life. It is a truth that only comes to light long after you leave them. By then you have invested much time on them and their needs and neglected your own.
Whatever they give you, show you, create for you are just tricks, bribes and illusions. Eventually, near the end they won't even bother pretending they like you. They will show their disdain of you fully.
Make a plan and then leave. You are wasting time with these people. Time is precious it will not come again. Do it for yourself if no one else.
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