Any time spent with a person who has a narcissistic personality disorder is a step further away from your true authentic growth and towards a false personality, developed by and with the narcissist.
While with a narcissist you develop a sense of who you are only in relationship with who they want you to be. In the long term this leads to a loss of self and a loss of self worth. As the false self develops the gap between who you are as a seperate person and who the narcissist is as a person starts to blur. That is why leaving them is so difficult because in order to do so it feels like cutting off part
of yourself.
This constant maipulation and brainwashing that is done to you by a narcissist is done systematically and with purpose. You are only there to serve this person. Any intimacy or sense of affection and love are only shown by them as a way to maipulate you into staying with them. If they were to totally show you who they were before they train you into becoming addicted to them you would never stay. They know this because of their own inner self loathing. They know that you would never stay with a person who has no empathy and no guilt about hurting you. You would never stay if you had known right at the beginning that this person who tricks you into love acually enjoys your pain and suffering.
That is right they tricked you. They saw you and saw their prey. As predators they were watching for the right sort of person whom they could manipulate to serve them. They have no feelings for you. It is a shock to realise this even after you leave them. It is almost impossible to believe that the person who you loved or thought you loved was just a fraud. No better than the con artists who trick you out of your money. It should be a crime narcissistic abuse.
During the time that you spent with them your personal development was arrested. You put your own needs to the back and insead served their needs. If you had any talent it was dismissed or ignored. Every aspect of you that was good was put down until you felt that there was nothing good about you at all. In doing this the narcissist was raised above you. They were better than you. This was what they instilled in you. In order to stay with them you developed a false persona to cope with it all. To maintain that false self was exhausting. It was not and is not you.
To heal from emotional narcissistic abuse the false sense has to be acknowledged and seen truthfully and healed. It takes great courage to start again and see that the life you have been leading was their life. Your very thoughts and ideas were theirs. They denied you any sense of independant identity. This is what you have to work on. Your new sense of self. To do this you have to keep asking yourself what it is you like, even down to what colour you like, what food you like. Everything you thought you liked has to be questioned and looked at to see if this is really what you want, like and are.
It is likely that you have become totally lost. Many survivors feel adrift after leaving a narcissist.
There is freedom and then a question 'what do I want to do now'?
There may be doubt 'am I capable of this'?
There may be lack of self esteem 'do I deserve this'?
It is a strange place to be, inbetween leaving and starting again. But you can do it. Small steps over time. Trying new experiences to see if they fit. Pushing your boundaries to see if you are staying comfortable with what the narcissist left you as.
Have you managed to find your true self away from narcissistic abuse?
What did you discover about who you really are?
While with a narcissist you develop a sense of who you are only in relationship with who they want you to be. In the long term this leads to a loss of self and a loss of self worth. As the false self develops the gap between who you are as a seperate person and who the narcissist is as a person starts to blur. That is why leaving them is so difficult because in order to do so it feels like cutting off part
of yourself.
This constant maipulation and brainwashing that is done to you by a narcissist is done systematically and with purpose. You are only there to serve this person. Any intimacy or sense of affection and love are only shown by them as a way to maipulate you into staying with them. If they were to totally show you who they were before they train you into becoming addicted to them you would never stay. They know this because of their own inner self loathing. They know that you would never stay with a person who has no empathy and no guilt about hurting you. You would never stay if you had known right at the beginning that this person who tricks you into love acually enjoys your pain and suffering.That is right they tricked you. They saw you and saw their prey. As predators they were watching for the right sort of person whom they could manipulate to serve them. They have no feelings for you. It is a shock to realise this even after you leave them. It is almost impossible to believe that the person who you loved or thought you loved was just a fraud. No better than the con artists who trick you out of your money. It should be a crime narcissistic abuse.
During the time that you spent with them your personal development was arrested. You put your own needs to the back and insead served their needs. If you had any talent it was dismissed or ignored. Every aspect of you that was good was put down until you felt that there was nothing good about you at all. In doing this the narcissist was raised above you. They were better than you. This was what they instilled in you. In order to stay with them you developed a false persona to cope with it all. To maintain that false self was exhausting. It was not and is not you.
To heal from emotional narcissistic abuse the false sense has to be acknowledged and seen truthfully and healed. It takes great courage to start again and see that the life you have been leading was their life. Your very thoughts and ideas were theirs. They denied you any sense of independant identity. This is what you have to work on. Your new sense of self. To do this you have to keep asking yourself what it is you like, even down to what colour you like, what food you like. Everything you thought you liked has to be questioned and looked at to see if this is really what you want, like and are.
It is likely that you have become totally lost. Many survivors feel adrift after leaving a narcissist.
There is freedom and then a question 'what do I want to do now'?
There may be doubt 'am I capable of this'?
There may be lack of self esteem 'do I deserve this'?
It is a strange place to be, inbetween leaving and starting again. But you can do it. Small steps over time. Trying new experiences to see if they fit. Pushing your boundaries to see if you are staying comfortable with what the narcissist left you as.
Have you managed to find your true self away from narcissistic abuse?
What did you discover about who you really are?
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