Have you got so used to narcissists taking everything from you that you have stopped owning stuff just so you don't feel it when it's taken once again?

 

When you are a survivor of abuse and recovering from trauma you will start to notice how little ownership you have of things that belong to you. You have had so much taken from you in the form of not only possessions but also your very own sense of self. Narcissistic abusers will steal everything you own or hold dear. You become so used to losing that you stop owning, stop caring about losing and start to give things away too easily. In the short term it may save you from feeling any pain at losing but soon you will be forced to start fighting for what is yours.

The first time this was brought to my attention was when a quote of mine was lifted straight from my page and copied. The person who did it was an advocate of narcissistic abuse and even had their own private practice and you tube channel. Not only did they take the quote but they also added their company name to it as if it were theirs. What shocked me most was that this person was selling themselves as a survivors friend and advocate. I hadn't thought it was any good at all until that point, when someone stole it.  Someone at the time told me to own that quote and so I did. I put it on the front of one of my books. It was the best advice I got. It's at the top of this blog.

Up to that point I was giving away everything. You may not think that copying, plagiarising is a big thing but there is nothing more personal as an author/writer than your own words. Before that point I had been too embarassed to put my name to anything, it felt so narcissistic and showy. I still feel weird doing so even now, but I do it despite this.

As a survivor you will have had the words you said denied, laughed at, sneered at and lied about. You may even have communication problems due to the abuse, due to being shut up and not heard. So you have to learn to own what you say, to trust your own feelings and thoughts. Others have stolen this skill from you.

 I then started to look at in what other ways had I been giving away my own stuff. I left a relationship with nothing, left my home/homes and everything in them. I had wrongly thought that I was in a relationship and that property was ours but until I left I saw that everything was theirs, not for shares. It was the same with anything I owned, I did so lightly. I did that because I thought that one day it will all be taken from me so I won't get attached. But that kind of thinking doesn't stop the hurt of losing, it just delays what you have not grieved for.

I would recommend starting to get used to owning things whatever they are. Narcissists will take from you everything even your own words. No shame in owning. It is not a crime. The crime is when they are taken from you. If you are a writer add your name to your words, poems, quotes and own them. If you are someone who tweets, uses others quotes in books or blogs please remember to add who wrote it. If there is a quote flying around the internet without a name attached it means someone has taken that quote and made it theirs, cut off the writers name. Try and find the source. There is nothing more rewarding than someone who actually asks can I use your quotes, or indeed adds your name.  As writers we don't make money from quotes, we write them to inspire others. We do that for free but we still own them.

What do you give away freely to stop you from feeling? What have you had taken from you? You will be surprised when you start looking at exactly how much narcissists have taken from you. Start owning today. Feel no shame. You deserve to own things after all you have had taken from you.