The narcissists love bombing-don't assume it's always about romance or you might miss it

When you hear the description of a narcissist, after looking online to see what exactly is wrong with your relationships, a light goes on. At last you understand what you have been going through and it has a name. It all makes sense. There are others who are going through the same thing as you. You aren't going mad after all.

Yet some people struggle because, well, not all the criteria fit the exact description of the person they were with. Does that mean they were not a narcissist? They start to question that if experts are giving this criteria then maybe they were wrong after all. One of these things is Love Bombing and what it actually means.

When you hear the word love bombing it is very descriptive and if you read about it you see it depicts being swept of your feet, romantic gestures etc. But love bombing may also not contain any of this or at least very little. In fact the other kind of love bombing could just be called 'persistent attention'  because that is how you are hooked in.


When the narcissist is looking for their prey they are very clever. They will spot any weakness, any needs within you, any deep holes of lack of nurture. Then they offer to give you what you are missing. For some people it is something as small as a little attention.

It may be that when you first meet them, rather than being knocked off your feet or swept away with romance that you may have been repulsed, not interested. In that case all they need to do is spin you a sob story. They have to hook you in and if you show even one small sign of weakening they will up the game with 'persistant attention'. They may not have skills in the romance department but perhaps they are offering you security in the form of money, a home, friendship, or just attention.

They will keep coming back even if you reject them and if you have not experienced much attention in your life it can be a heady mix. When you walk away they will follow and so you see this as love. You 'wrongly' see this as love. It is a mistake, you will not realise until it is too late because by then it is hard to escape. Your needs are being filled even if it is by someone you don't want and for that reason you will stay. But once you stop fighting them you will find that the chasing stops and the ignoring begins, the prize has been won. Without you even knowing they are off chasing their next victim.

So if you are one of these people who were not love bombed, not romanced just know that maybe it was 'persistant attention', a form of love bombing. maybe you had other needs, like needing security. Whatever it was you needed they came along and tricked you, made you think they cared and loved you when in fact they only wanted you to supply their own needs.

Now the job is to unravel all this mess, undo the hypnosis and mind controlling of the narcissist. We have to fulfill our own needs rather than look for it outside. But if we do meet good kind people it helps to verify that we are in fact lovable. it does re-inforce our self esteem. Firstly though we have to care for ourselves so that we are not vulnerable to those who would offer us 'persistent attention' because now we give that to ourselves. The very thing we gave in bundles to others.